While divorce is quite rampant these days, the court system can never provide for or repair the emotional well being for the issues kids will deal with for the rest of their life. The bitterness in the divorce, and the relationship the two parents have thereafter is of great concern when a marriage does fail. While children may adjust to living separately with each parent, they will always compare themselves to other children with two parents. This is quite a normal reaction, but one that must be understood from the divorced parents' view if they are to effectively deals with the child's issues. The effects of divorce on children are a long lasting emotional roller coaster which, children pays the ultimate price for.
Because of their usually younger ages, they do not comprehend the meaning of divorce and why "Mommy and Daddy don't live together anymore". They understand the love and nurture they receive from both parents as each is usually very loving of their child. While the love they receive is usually free flowing and unconditional, to grasp why their parents, "once loving", relationship has gone astray is hard for them to understand. To them, love is unconditional and their parents are the only ones that really have taught them that. When the parents have displayed that love is not unconditional, their view of love and life may become weary.
Children crave a sense of normalcy and acceptance as they mature. Split parents cause as much change in a child's life since it is a twenty-four hour day parental interaction. This is not about removal of one small interactive section of their life, this is what they ate, breathed, and slept. Especially in their younger years, the child's development and growth curve is very steep. Depending on when a divorce happens, a child may not even know what it is like to experience a loving relationship which, is a model for their relationships when they get older. The old saying that, " you are a product of your parents," is very much true in most instances. If the child's parents divorce their sense of normalcy and guidelines, which they will have acquired will be somewhat dysfunctional, based on one's valves of marriage and divorce.
The best way for a child to survive is for the two parents to get alone and always display this to the child. It is bad enough for a child to endure divorce, but to be put in the middle of two adults that can't seem to get along, is unfair to the child. Children are incapable of making adult decisions, and forcing them to choose between the two is too confusing to them.
While children are very resilient, they can appear quite adapted to the situation. Their emotional well being is in many cases, often overlooked because the clues are very faint. Parents who are divorced must learn about certain child behaviors that they can expect in this situation. They also must be prepared to deal with them as they arise and use extreme caution not to do damage to the other parent. If the other parent is put down or criticized in front of a child, confusion through brainwashing will follow. All they know, both parents are loving to them, but is told by an equally loving parent that the other is bad. These types of tactics are hard enough for grown adults to deal with, let alone a child.
Another issue, as important as the parental love, is the boundaries that each divorced parent sets. It can be quite common for a divorced parent to allow a child to have whatever they want in an effort to compete with the other parent for favoritism. While showering a child with love is good, it also must be tempered with discipline and rules. While it may be painful to instill boundaries with children, they will adjust to it quite well, and will still be able to recognize their parents love. Parents that cave in to their child's every whim, are catering to that behavior, which can cause problems later on in life. Children need boundaries to mature in to healthy and well-adjusted adults.
A non-hostile relationship between parents is the best that divorced couples can do. It truly