Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Written by: Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Copyright: 1980
Published by: Rawson, Wade Publishers Inc.


This book is targeted at adults specifically with younger children, but from my view these methods can be used in the job place or when talking to someone else.

The book talks a lot about control. People control the conversation too much. We do this without knowing it. Sometimes people control the conversation by talking Sarcastically: ‘is that what you’re wearing -- polka dots and plaid? Ooh, you ought to get a lot of compliments today.’ Blaming or Accusing: ‘Your finger prints are on the door again, - why do you do that?" Name Calling: "How dumb can you be?" Threats: "Touch it again and you’ll get it!" Commands: "Pick it up, now!" Lecturing, Warnings: "watch it you’ll burn yourself." and Comparisons: "Why can’t you be more like Billy?" These all can have negative effects of a child. The book helps you find ways around the negative outcomes.

Parents and others also respond in harsh ways to peoples stress. People use the Denial of Feelings: "There’s no reason to be upset," to the person there is, you might see things differently so it doesn’t affect you as it does that person. Another favorite response people use is The Philosophical Response: "Look, life is like that." This just makes most people mad. Pity is heard by a lot by people and it makes the listener feel more pitiful. In the book it tells the reader that you, the listener, do not always need to respond and it can be helpful if you do not always respond to the person verbally.

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