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Someone once told me that life is not always fair; that some days are better than others are. Men do not care for this rule and we want everyday to be great, perfect and full of joy; but deep down we know it cannot be. We refuse to accept the unfairness of life though; we resist in our own unique ways to every bad thing that happens in our lives. We have been known to resist violently, lashing out at others in rage; and we have been known to bear the pain ourselves without rage and violence. Either way we find a way to deal, but dealing is not our game in life; we would rather solve the problem than to risk defeat. However, there are times and situations that cannot be solved; that judgment and result are given in one sweeping blow that can knock the wind out of our self-esteem or knock us out completely. These types of problems cannot be avoided if a male wants to have a normal and productive life. It is a matter of our approach and our dealing with the result that will give us a learning tool for future problems. The problem I want to ad-dress is dealing with rejection by a woman in two different stages: pre-relationship and during the relation-ship.
When I say pre-relationship I am trying to say is asking a woman out on a date. For most men this is the trickiest part of the relationship, and the most feared because of that. Men also have a portion of self-doubt in themselves when it comes to persons of the opposite sex that they find attractive. They will go through a period where they try to talk themselves out of asking a woman on a date by using the self-doubt. They will try to convince themselves that they are not good enough for the woman and therefore should not try. This is a subconscious defensive tactic to avoid rejection; because you cannot be rejected if you do not try. Self-doubt is the first snag that needs to be reckoned with before pursuing any relationship.
To overcome self-doubt you need to believe in yourself in and out. You need to show people that you are confident and believe that you are confident as well; if you cannot convince yourself, it will be ex-ponentially harder to convince others. To do this you need to become a little arrogant to get your self-esteem up. Focus on your strengths, not weaknesses and exploit them. If you have gotten to the point where you have torn down your self-esteem to the point where you cannot tell your own strengths, then talk to someone, anyone. The best place to go is your mother; she loves you for all that you are regardless of what you\'ve done and will show you who you really are. If you cannot talk to your mother then find a good friend to feed you ego for a while; however do not become dependant on the ego-boost you get from others. Use their words as a springboard to self-confidence both inside and out.
You also need to relax around others especially the woman you are interested in pursuing. Most men feel rather awkward around the ones they like and often try to underplay their fear and anxiety, or overplay them and try to psychologically try to show off for the woman. These are dead give-a-ways to the woman that you are interested; but it also shows that you are too immature to handle it in a normal way. The way to overcome this anxiety is to focus on the situation at hand. You most likely did not act macho or timid around the woman you like before you found her interesting. No, you treated her like a friend like one of the guys; not like a sexual object or a goal. The person treated her as such is the one whom she likes or is interested in. In return, it is the person she was in reaction to that treatment that you started to like. It is a give and take relationship from the get go; any deviation from that would be hard or even detrimental to the relationship before it even gets
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Social psychology, Interpersonal relationships, Happiness, Motivation, Positive mental attitude, Social rejection, Self-esteem, Romance, Draft:Interpersonal resilience, Self-disclosure
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