My Life


12-5-03


Pd.7


Life was no picnic for me. I grew up in one of the roughest n toughest neighborhoods around. Living in a one bedroom apart, I was subjected to violence throughout my life. My Pops was an abusive person. He was always either drunk or high, and he was drug dealer. To top that off, he was abusive towards my Mama and I. He would come home drunk and delusional and beat us for the fun of it… it was a scary thing.


We were very poor… and couldn’t afford the many things that the normal people enjoyed in life. Imagine having no presents under the Christmas tree (most years we didn’t even have a tree)… imagine eating one little meal a day, or sometimes going hungry for a couple of days… imagine wearing hand me down clothes that were either way to big or way to small for my size… and imagine wearing shoes a size or two smaller then your size, with holes and rips in the sole.


When I was only 11, I made the mistake of joining one of the most notorious gangs in my neighborhood. When I first joined, I felt like I was part of a family, and I felt safe. Then as time went on, I realized that they were using me. They wanted to me to rob people and get money in any way shape or form to give to them. That was no family… and I was in the danger zone.


-2-


When I was 13, the only thing in life I truly loved was torn out of my life. My Mama was brutally beaten and killed by my Pops. I became suicidal and suffered depression. My Pops got put into jail, and since there was no one else to take care of me, I was put into a foster home.


Up to the time I was 18, I was always moving from one home to another. It was hard when I would finally make a friend, because I knew that after a couple of months I would never see that person again in my life. So for a long time I just stayed to myself so I wouldn’t have to go through the pain of losing yet another person in my life.


I was on my own after I was 18. I worked really hard to stay in college; which was truly a struggle because I paid for it all on my own. I would go to school in the early day, then later on I would go to work, and for the most part I worked overtime to get more money. A lot of nights I would only get 4 hours of sleep because I would be up doing homework. I knew it would all work out in the end.


While in college I met a man whom I thought I could trust. I “thought” I was in love, but love is blind. Early in the relationship I didn’t realize that I was following the same path as my mother in a way. We got married, then a little bit into our marriage things drastically changed. The man I met was determined and goal driven. He was respectful and loving. That’s what made me fall in love and marry so quickly. He started to become very lazy, and expected me to do everything for him. I was the only one bringing money into the picture, he would just sit around and get high and drink. I started to see my pops in him. When I found out that I was pregnant, I was scared for my unborn child and myself. I made the decision to move into a friend’s house, which was a smart move. I later found out that the man that I married was cheating on me. We divorced and I made sure that I never saw him again.


I was jobless for a couple of months until this wonderful opportunity came across my way. A prestigious law firm in New York City was looking for law students to come to New York City to get trained, then would be offered a guaranteed a job in the law firm.


I hopped on the train the first minute