Greatest and Wildest Dream a Cowboy Could Have
At seven this morningí I got on the telephone, and said to hold my

bronc as long as you can. My car is broke down in Billings, and itís just

getting put back together. Looks like Iíll be photo-finishing into Cheyenne.

I donít know if Iím going to make it cause itís 9:15 Iíll be lucky if I

ever get there. I just pulled my car over grabbed a cup of coffee and

some donuts and I bought the old beast a brand new tank of gas.

Golly whatís that I hear is it a siren? Sure enough the cop got me

on his radar. He pulled up behind my car on turned on his flashing lights,

a sign that I knew meant to pull it over. So I stomped on my brake, and

as I slid to a stop I whipped out three reflector posts along the shoulder.

He got out of his car and was walking really slow, so I jumped out of

my car and met him halfway. He jerked out his gun and said ďMister are

you crazy I ainít never seen a man drive this way.Ē I told him ďTake it

easy if heíd put up his cannon, the way heís shaking it just might go

off.Ē As he wrote me out a ticket that seemed to take forever, he listened

to my story then I coughed. On my way back to my car the cop said

ďHey cowboy you better slow down cause you canít out-run my radar.Ē

Traveling down the road Iím cursing and swearing about the ticket that I

had newly acquired. I wondered if I ought to pay it or throw it out the

window, and imagined setting the damn thing to fire. Now Iím flying

down the road again with the gas pedal mashed to the floor. Then I came

around a corner, and right there in the middle of the highway there is

more sheep than I had ever seen before. I was going to fast to ever stop

so I just covered my eyes, as the car just rolled right through the herd.

Next time I looked out there was a sheep on the fender, and the herder

was saying some very oughful words. I didnít make the corner and plowed

through a wheat field. Iím now a nervous wreck, and I must be quite a

site. The flys in this old car are buzzing all around me, I guess

my twenty-four hour deodorant quit last night.

60, 50, 40, 30, 20 miles more the rodeo starts in another eighteen

minutes. As I pull in through the main gait I hear the anthem playing I

just canít believe I actually made it. Now there is still one more obstacle

thatís standing in my way, heís a nitwit with a weekend badge. I told that

I was entered, and that I have no time to talk. My horse was in the chute

and I was late. He told me that I needed to get a pass from the

secretary. Thatís when my eyes got red and my heart filled up with hate.

I called him several names, and told him that heíd better let me in. He

just asked if Iíd repeat that once again. Then I whacked him in the

and I left him lying there on his back kicking in the sand. I got there just

in time to see my horse come running out. Boy he had his head and rear

a held way up in the sky. I could have sworn he looked straight at me

and gave his little horse laugh, while I could just stand there and cry. I

turned around feeling dumbfounded and helpless, and great what did I see?

I saw some three highway patrolmen and a burly gate-man with an

enormous fat-lip, and they all looked at poor old me. If I ever enter this

rotten situation again, I doní think Iíll drive so slow. It was fun the first

time around maybe itíll be funner the second.