ED Harris


A Day at the office

It was the morning of the 31st of September and Ed was getting prepared to do his weekly inspections of the nearby school districts. You see, Ed was the superintendent of several schools divisions, which was a pain the ass. This due because most of the children at the school were snarling little SOB’s, with nothing better to do than, reek havoc and destroy school property. “Well today is going to be different” Ed thought to himself as he hammered toward the first school.

As he arrived, he noticed a student in grade 10 student ripping a giant shit on a nearby teacher’s car. Well this just sent Ed into a fucking rage. As the student was about to finish his gargantuan pea nutty shit, Ed creped around the student and raised his Ken Griffey autographed baseball bat, which he just retrieved seconds earlier, and clubbed the student across the head. The student screamed in agony as Ed prepared to finish the job. Slowly he pulled out his 9mm glock and blasted a shot into the student’s cranium. As everyone ran for help, Ed seized the moment to slam the body through the car windshield and light the car ablaze.

When he entered the school to do his daily inspection he met up with the schools principal Quincy Jones, or jenny as he liked to be called. Ed noted immediately that this guy was a flamer and needed to be disposed of within this day. The two continued to inspect the classrooms and teacher’s offices when he entered his final classroom and no one was in their fucking seats.

Well this just sent him fucking berserk! He took every single student, including the one who smelt like rotting hamburgers, and slammed them into the chalk board. Dust went every where as each child collide into the wall for a bloody but fun death.

As he was about to leave the room the principal of the school gaily asked “What the Fuck are you doing silly”. And Ed replied “MY FUCKING JOB YOU TWO BIT QUEER!” and shot the man in the face.

As he entered his car he thought to himself “One school down one 2 to go.” Being already engulfed with rage, he decided to cool himself down by running over the local seniors at the nearby nursing home. “Well this is fun!” He thought to himself. As he continued on he noted a local tavern and thought to him self “why not stop in for a nice cold one.” After slamming back a few he decided he must deal with last hell hole of a school. So he jumped back into his rotting Cadillac Deville son of a bitch car, and bolted off.

He arrived in record time with only two dead people, still partly attached to his bumper. As he slowly and tiredly reached the front doors, he thought. “WHY NOT FUCKING BURN THE PLACE DOWN EH”. He immediately grabbed a can of the good old gasoline, and lit the place up. Ohh it was great fun he proclaimed, as he persisted to bludgeon the survivors with a student’s desk, which he so conveniently had. Skulls cracked and brain matter flew as the desk collided with their scorched and scalded heads.

As he finished up, he persisted to play a game of lawn bowling with the school janitor Don Zimmer. “Boy this is fun, right Donny” Ed demanded. “Sure is you fucking freak” replied Don. “Well isn’t this is just another day at the office”. So as the day finished Ed went to bed knowing that all the little fucks that he killed all have a place in his bitterly cold heart.