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You just sat down at lunch, looking to enjoy your hot, steaming tomato soup. Just as the first spoonful of that delicious stuff enters your mouth, you see something. You probably think it was just a tomato, but then, you think it might be a hair…Nah, it can’t be. But as you swallow your soup, you realize your worst fear has come true. There is now a slimy hair slipping down your hatch. There is no stopping it, its gone. You try to cough it up, but it’s too late. Resistance is futile. And with that “fictional dramatization”, I give you my reason for grossing you out: I, Rayce Rudeen, strongly believe that the cooks at Freeman School District should wear hairnets. I understand that the cooks think that they are “uncomfortable” and can mess up their beautiful hair, and that there is no law saying that you must wear a hairnet. But by the end of my essay, you will agree with me.
First of all, it’s just gross. Hair and food don’t mix. What do you think hair is made of? It’s not the Hair Fairies who give you hair, it’s your bodies dead skin cells. Skin cells collect in some gland and are then made into hair. Also, there is the oil. Our scalp produces natural oils to make our hair greasy. That’s why when you comb your hair a lot, you slick it back because you’re drawing out the oils. And now, the reason you’ve all been waiting for: lice. We get our hair checked annually for these pesky parasites. If someone does have lice, they have to stay home from school. I’m not saying your going to get an actual lice guy in your soup, but their eggs could fall in, and then when you eat, the egg will hatch inside of you. And from then on, well…you’ve seen the “Alien” trilogy, right?
My next reason is a safety hazard. Keep in mind that this reason and the final reason are all connected. Now lets say someone with a serious gag reflex chokes. They are going to be puking every which way. And if you’re like me, after your see them puke, your going to vomit everywhere. And just for fun, lets say we have an entire cafeteria full of me. It’s an Up-chuck festival. Now you have stomach fluids all over the place, and your janitor is working furiously to clean it up. But he is not fast and furious enough.
Now, this reason will affect you. Yes, you. That one, rebellious, non-listening kid decides he is going to skate on the slippery, puke covered floor and breaks his leg. Now his parents can sue you for not having enough janitors. OK, someone with asthma chokes on a hair. They cough a little, and BAM! An asthma attack right there! Asthma is serious, and if that person doesn’t have their inhaler with them during lunch, well, it’s not going to be pretty. That persons parents can sue you because it was you’re fault he/she had an attack. Now, lets step back a ways to Mr. Gag Reflex. He might be traumatized or something and might have to miss a day or two of school. You are now liable for his dramatization. Now, and I mean this with all do respect, lets face it; this school CANNOT afford to be sued (not that a lot of other schools can, but us especially). And I know some of the things people sue for are pretty stupid. Believe me. Both my parents own multiple apartment complexes and we have had some extremely stupid “liability” problems.
Now do you agree with me? I thought so. But if you change your mind and decide not to enforce hairnets, next time you see a little more than a fly in your soup, I hope you will think of me.
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Counterculture of the 1960s, Hair, Nudity, Sexual revolution, Louse, Vocal music, Musical theatre, Music
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